My birthday falls on Halloween which is perhaps somewhat ironic and certainly an in-house family joke! My mother said even as a little baby in the pram I had bright green eyes and she would tell everyone I was a little witch! Of course neither am I a witch or see myself as witch, but certainly I have always felt blessed and touched by a magic power many are sceptical of. To be able to connect to the spirit world for me has always been a natural normal thing to do. But also more strongly I have always had an innate sense of wanting to help others, to support, to nurture and uplift. Perhaps why I was drawn to the career pathway of nursing in the first place and ultimately a drive that helped and inspired me with the work I do today. If we are to learn and grow we must do that be helping others and reaching out to others, love is present in our hearts no matter what!
Birthdays are always a time to reflect on what has gone before us and what we are taking into the new year, a privilege to have one as so many people don't get the opportunity to do so. A time to reflect on how we change and adapt as we navigate through this life.
When I reflect back on my 47 years I can recognise there has only even been myself on the whole of my journey, of course I have been blessed by beautiful people who have worked with me, some all of the way, some for part of the way and some fleeting. All leaving an impression good and bad. But ultimately there is only ourselves that are present for each step on our life path, and yet it is somewhat ironic, true for us allot some point, that we often chose to disregard or refuse to listen to our own inner wisdom,
Truthfully I've never really felt lonely, even as a young girl I was happy to be by myself, cheerfully engaged in a book or in happily in my own inner world, of course I know this is because we never really are alone and the spirit world are always with us and present, to help us along this pathways of life. That is not to say we will always sense them or feel them, we may even be sceptical of cynical of their presence, but there love and support to us in unwavering and they are with us always. I love this time of year when I can sense the power and presence of the spirit world so strong and I feel so surrounded - knowing this is true not only for me but for you too!
This year I recognise the importance of self care and time for self, I have as many of us will resonate with spent my life looking after others, putting others needs first, until I got to a point where I could not do it anymore. It is a celebration perhaps of wisdom to be able to re-establish my own boundaries to do what I need for me and after much soul searching I feel like I am making some inner progress. With wisdom can go a liberation and a. time to embrace vulnerability, there is always such a strength in this. In times of such darkness it can feel we are so alone and feel we are lost, but all storms must pass and the light will always come forth again, just as every winter will make way for new beginnings and the promise of spring. When things can feel so gloomy could they sometimes be a gift in an odd shaped box and indeed sometimes (not always of course) be a blessing in disguise. If we have come here to learn then we know learning cannot always happen in the sunshine and laughter but rest assured we are NEVER left alone, patiently and lovingly guided by a great power that never leaves us just as those we once and always will love are by our eternal side.
It can be such a cliche to talk about how strong we are but usually cliches come around because they are so true and thats what we all must celebrate our strength ! We all have it within us, great strength isn't always about going out and changing the world, great strength can be getting up and trying to find that faith deep within us, or reminding ourselves of all the joy when there is such negativity and issues all around us. Strength can be dusting ourselves back down and having another go. We cannot lose if we are prepared to keep trying and that is great strength.
So as I reflect back on the year and years that have gone before me I realise I am wiser and stronger, I realise perfection was never mine to hold and that I can only ever see the world from where I stand today and that is okay. Letting go of the need to be perfect is and can be liberating. But also I realise that I have boundless love in my heart that has not diminished in the darkness on the contrary that has been the burning bright, a light that has lit up my pathway and will continue to light the pathways ahead. Having a faith and knowing there is a greater power surrounding me can help my to surrender to my road rough and smooth, dark and light. At the end of the day what matter is love in our hearts.
"and late in life, I came to see that faith, like hope, is a rope and an anchor in a shifting world. Faith cannot be questioned, only lived. And if I could not grasp it then, I felt its heartbeat, which was love" CALL THE MIDWIFE