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Just Do You …



Navigating this world can be difficult and unpredictable - the only thing we can be assured of is nothing stays the same, we are changing, evolving, and growing, whether we recognise it or not. It is in the darker times we can often doubt self-growth and feel we are going backwards, but we are all growing and learning no matter what.


No matter how we try there will be times where we are affected by others, their opinions, their judgement and often their actions. And this is difficult and exhausting to say the least.


Navigating this pathway as a medium ensures that I am open to such judgement and criticisms a lot of the time so when I speak of these matters I speak from my heart.


It can often feel we are programmed to please others and look to others for approval which is wonderful when everything is going right and can give us that inner glow and feeling of pride, a feeling of being on top!! It's a feeling of being secure and in a good place. However, when that approval turns to disapproval and when we are in turn judged and our actions disagreed with, it can then throw us off kilter and can evoke an inner anxiety and feeling of chaos and take us to the depths of loneliness.


The bottom line is no matter how many times we may seek approval from others in whatever form or capacity that is, ultimately the light and power must come from you. That old cliche of becoming your own best friend is really the absolute truth. There is only you consistently on your life pathway as everyone else is busy walking their own. If we can make peace with ourselves and know that we ourselves must have our own back then we are winning, otherwise we are always going to be looking to others. And that ultimately will never feel enough.


As I reflect on my younger years, I can see very clearly for me how this was the case. I would pride myself on being a people pleaser like it was a positive trait to have. That may have been right for everyone else but it certainly wasn’t for me. It took a lot of soul searching and sitting in my own space to recognise and realise I must do it for myself - and if I don’t no one else can do it for me. Life is always about balance for me. It is about helping others and being there for one another but not at the detriment or expense of oneself.


Over the last year or two we have all had so many personal lessons and reminders during the pandemic of what really matters and what really doesn’t. Taking time for yourself is not only important, it is vital; essential to not only survive but mandatory if you want to thrive and grow.


Here’s the next thing ... it is impossible for everyone to like us. That for me was a very hard pill to swallow. It played havoc with my anxiety and when I found I was disliked and worse still judged in what I often felt were unjust ways I would create an inner emotional storm. I wanted my world to be calm and that meant to have their approval. The truth is not everyone can be our cup of tea and we will irritate some people by simply breathing. But for everyone who doesn’t get you there will be others that really do. We are all seeing the world through our own filter and just because someone doesn’t get us doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with us. It just means they don’t get us!


So, my message to you all is live your life with those that matter and love you, and let go of the worries and the fears of judgement. People can be fickle and cruel in so many ways to others and we can hang onto that too often for too long …. BUT… people can also be amazing and warm and loving and nurturing … seek those ones out ... they are your people.


Beyond it all remember this too shall pass and the light always comes back, and we grow so much from our pain … today is a brand-new day so make it yours and just do you… you were always enough.


Love Always

Debra x




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Debra Chalmers